Men are emotional beings!

Is it natural that men bottle things up?

Is it natural that men have to appear strong even when they are overwhelmed? Well, I think this whole thing is a social construct that has stayed with us for a long time to be regarded as a natural way. Men are emotional beings just like women right? That means hiding emotions is not the way to go. It is what they were taught to do through socialization.

When the boy child is growing up, he is taught to be a "man" and I am going to mention some of the things that are said to make up a "man".

There are phrases that have been normalised and are very much part of the socialization process. Phrases like

• Men don't cry

• Men are strong

• Man up

• Women should not see you doing this

• Don't be like a woman etc etc.

Does biology support these or it is what society decided and created all this for the boy child? Why do men have tears if they are not expected to cry? Why do men have emotions if they are not going to express them? Why does society look down upon men who are realistic about their feelings? Why are those men made to feel like they are less of a man?

I could go on and on with these questions but the main issue here is to try and make you all see that society created srandards for men and those standards ignore biology or nature. Society has its own definition of what a strong man is, the same way it has its own definition of what a strong woman is.

Now, are we going to continue living by those standards and driving men into depression and or suicide when we can do better as a society? Are we going to let the ancient definition of what a strong man is guide us even in this era? I don't think that is okay.

Mental health is a very important aspect that has been talked about a lot lately. I believe there is need to educate all of us on certain things that should change if we are to have a society with men whose mental being is okay. This article is focusing on men because they have a very low help seeking behavior because society says "man up" and other damaging statements.

I was part of a certain twitter space one day and a question was asked: "why don't men share a lot when they are going through stuff?"

I will talk about some of the reasons that were discussed one of which being that fellow men will laugh at you for being emotional or tell you to be strong and leave it there.

So I realised that most men are not able to give emotional support to fellow men and this makes it difficult for men to share their issues. I strongly believe that this is because of what I mentioned earlier, the socially constructed definition of what a strong man is.

Some mentioned that even sharing with women is a challenge because some women think men should always appear as "strong" hence being emotional in the presence of a woman makes them weak and women don't like that. Well, because of the same reason, some women also believe that men don't cry and men shouldn't express themselves when they feel overwhelmed. This makes is very difficult then for a men in our society to deal with issues because its almost like there in no support system or structure for the boy child and men.

OK. I mentioned earlier that men were created with feelings and emotions and these were never meant to be suppressed. Telling men to suppress emotions and act like they're okay when they're not can only destroy them internally because like any other natural process, emotionality should be regarded as normal because it is very normal regardless of gender.

It's time we do away with socially constructed definitions that does us no good. Strong does not mean one should hide their emotions. Strong does not mean pretending to be okay when you're not. Strong does not mean crying privately and smiling publicly. Sharing your issues and burdens with someone as a men will not make you less of a man. It will only open the door for you to get help and the support you need if we all educate ourselves and understand that men are humans too. The main reason behind this post is to make people understand that men also need a break, men also hurt, men go through a lot as well and the same doors and ears that are open for women should be open for men too.

What needs to be done is to normalise this and dismantle the anciety structures that do not promote mental wellness. We cannot talk about mental wellness and ignore certain beliefs that work against it. For example, redefining what a strong man is. Let us stop thinking that being emotional makes someone weak. Actually I think pretending and hiding your emotions make you weak. Why can't you be real? Why fake it when we all know that faking it won't solve what you'll be going through.

As a generation it is our responsibility to create a safe society for everyone regardless of gender. It is our responsibility to be there for each other and to also educate ourselves about all things mental health. Men cannot continue hiding in caves when overwhelmed. Men cannot continue feeling like they're on their own when they are surrounded by people.

It starts with you!

Stop with those "real men dont...." statements that are never meant to promote mental wellness.

If a man vents to you, don't laugh at them, don't use what they told you agaisnt them when you argue, don't just stare and tell them to be strong. Help them to get better, tell them about getting counseling, be there for them because noone should feel alone in a world so full of people.

After our mindsets are reformed, it should be easy for all of us to be there for each other. Do not be part of the crew that preaches agaisnt men seeking help. Mental health problems are not gender selective hence we should stop this discrimination. Strength is not defined by hiding pain.

It is my desire to see a society where men can vent, seek help, get support without being judged or made to feel like they're less of a man. I dream of a society where we are all concerned about mental wellness so much that we do everything we can to support one another regardless of gender.

Be the change you want to see. Let us work towards having a society that does not define everything along gender lines because we are humans before we have any gender. We are people.

Dear Men:

You're not made of steel. You don't live in a world that's different from the one women live in. The same problems women face, you face them too because you are human. It is okay to not feel okay. It is okay to be overwhelmed. It is okay to cry. It is okay to go for counseling. It's okay to seek help and support. Stop bottling things up because you're a "man"

It is toxic and very damaging. Talk about things and normalize being human around others.

Pretending to be strong or fine will not solve anything.

We need a society that is safe to ensure mental wellness for everyone.

Stop laughing at fellow men when they talk about their issues. Stop discouraging men from venting. Be your brother's keeper and stop promoting toxic masculinity. If man start supporting each other, its going to be easy for everyone else to join so lead by example gentlemen.

WE NEED HEALTHY SOCIETIES FOR EVERY HUMAN BEING.